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Introduction There is more to being a man then most people know. Being a man is hard work sometimes. I once read that a man consists of both velvet and steel. You can’t have one without the other. Most men nowadays have too much velvet, and not enough steel; that is, they are too soft without the hardness. They become wimps, who go through life governed by fear – fear of women, fear of their boss, fear of hard work, fear of growth and change. Others have too much steel. These become the “bad boys”, the loud, overbearing types. Some might argue that this breed is better then the wimp. However, I believe that deep down inside they also revolve around insecurity and fear, although of a different type. I went through an “arsehole” phase in my life. I didn’t like it – I had simply changed what I was afraid of. Men in relationships Most people know the bad boys fare much better in relationships, despite (and sometimes, because of) the danger - many these bad boys are self-destructive and abusive to others, including their partners, friends and family. This is because they display traits that are similar to those displayed by confident and sexually attractive men. I believe there is a subtle difference. A bad boy speaks loudly because his ego is afraid that no-one will notice him. “Please tell me I exist.” A confident man speaks just loud enough for the occasion. In my experience most young women can’t tell the difference and so fall for the bad boys anyway. It’s a biological thing – just like when men go for gorgeous women despite knowing that she is a gold-digger or likely to cheat on them. I know because I’m guilty of this. Gentlemen – A gentle Man Back to steel and velvet. I believe most men have too much of one without the other; some don’t think it is possible to have both. Or they mistake strength and power for beating on their chest and roaring like a pirate. Having passion, determination, and strength does not mean that you cannot be gentle, compassionate, and understanding. Being strong does not mean beating on your chest and shouting out orders. But all great men do. This is the true meaning behind the word gentleman. A gentle man. A man who is not afraid of life nor his desires. A man who has the strength to protect his loved ones, and fight for what he believes in. Yet a man who can laugh, grieve, nurture and heal. A man who appreciates the beauty in a child’s smile, in the sunset, in a woman’s love. This is the first article of a seven-part article on masculinity. Much of this can apply to women too, but don’t quote me on it. Or women can read this to gain insight into the “enemy”. What’s next? The first step is to read this post on life goals and passion at www.urbanmonk.net. It is one of the vital components of being a man.
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