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How many of us point the finger at someone else when we look at the problems we face on a regular basis? Whether at work or at home, we can site the cause readily enough as our boss, co-worker, spouse, or offspring. Often we are right but where does that get us? A very hard lesson to learn is how to take affirmative action when the difficulty rests with others and the ball is in their court. We often get stuck in the bog of "if only." If only she would stop doing that. If only he would straighten up. If only they'd listen. Reading newspaper columns where people write in for advice, we are well aware of the standard complaint that the problem lies beyond the sphere of influence possessed by the writer. Hopeless and helpless are the operative words. A new way to look at this very old set of circumstances is to see what we can do. We're seldom without options. Often we just don't like the consequences. Why not take on the job of moving through impasses by getting that the person or persons responsible for our roadblocks are going to go right on being the way they are. What they do is about them...how we react is about us. Once that fact is firmly established we can take a closer look at how we feel about the situation and how drastic our solution might have to be. We don't have to stay in bad marriages, or keep rotten jobs. We can move out of a neighborhood that isn't working for our kids. Sometimes we can disarm the enemy with kindness and cooperation. What we don't need to keep in place is being stuck. That's what counselors are for. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees, and we need help in finding workable options. Getting input from a professional can make all the difference and bring valued support, an advocate at long last. No one needs to live a life of quiet desperation, locked into some kind of impasse. It takes gumption to look for solutions and to implement them but the rewards are right in front of us, like a carrot on a stick. We may need to polish up our courage and look closely to be sure that we aren't hiding behind hopelessness out of fear. We've all heard the admonition: "Do something, even if it's wrong!" Well, we can do one better than that and make a right move in our own best interest. It's time.
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