Several years ago I was chatting with an elderly plumber doing some work in my bathroom. I don't recall how we got started on gambling, but to my surprise, he turned out to be an avid slots player.

I don't recall exactly how I worded the question, but I asked him essentially what he got out of going to the casino. We know plumbers make good money, but I gathered that he didn't have a lot saved
up, since he was still working at his age.

He explained it to me in a way that made it clear.

"I take my girlfriend to the Alton Belle and we make a night of it. We enjoy eating a good steak at their restaurant. Then we get our rolls of quarters and start playing.

"I play the **** machine and I love it when I hit the jackpot . . . "

At this point, he was standing with his knees bent and he bounced up and down and shook his hands in fists with excitement as he spoke. His voice was full of energy.

". . . the lights flash and the bells go off and it's the greatest excitement I've ever had."

Did you catch it? Maybe not, since reading about him in this email is a different experience than hearing him in person demonstrate how hitting a jackpot gives him a substitute org*sm.

He didn't use that word, of course -- but he seemed like he was almost having one just from telling me about the experience.

Since he was well over 65 years and did not look even capable of having an org*sm and was, after all, in the middle of a plumbing job in my bathroom, I hadn't thought of him in connection with s*x at all, until then. I wouldn't have even thought he had a girlfriend, let alone take her out to eat at a casino.

How about you? Are you playing slot machines as a substitute for s*x?

My FINANCIAL advice to you is -- have real s*x instead.

I'm not a prude or a moralist. It's up to you who you want to have it with. And when. And how. And how often.

And I don't mind if you first buy them a steak in a casino restaurant.

But if you need the excitement of more s*x in your life (and all of us need and want that), have real s*x.

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